Weight Loss Goals For 2014

• Do a juice cleanse for 5 days.
• Do a 5k (run or walk).
• Go from a size 22/XXXL to a size 14/16, XL/L
• Start jogging/running.
• Be consistent and accountable.

These 5 goals are the most important goals for me to reach in 2014. I want to take command of my health and my life and I know I can do that. All of these goals are doable and attainable if I am just willing to do the work that is required of me. ..I’m just scared.

Scared of failing.

Scared of starting and stopping like I always do.

Scared I’ll never be able to lose the weight and that I’ll always be the fat friend.

*sigh*

xoxo.

 

Back to the Basics!

This week I had somewhat of a break down/ wake up call/ come to Jesus moment, whatever you want to call it. But I realize that my weight loss journey is my own. Only I can do it, and no one can do the work for me. So I knew I needed to start fresh and have a clean break. I went grocery shopping after I got off work Monday night and I bought everything I needed to meal prep for the week.

Breakfast: Low fat vanilla yogurt, peaches or pineapples, granola.

Snack 1: Celery, hummus, and sliced pepper jack cheese.

Lunch: Chick fajitas (whole wheat tortilla, chicken breast, onions, green pepper, red pepper, jalapeno, 1tbs cheddar cheese), brown rice & salsa.

Snack 2: Granola bar or chex mix.

Dinner: Whatever I feel like making when I get home. More than likely a salad or lettuce wraps with chicken, cheese, salsa…

Optional Snack: Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich.

Meal prepping is so beneficial to me. It really takes the guess work out of what I’m going to have for lunch and it actually saves me money. I don’t even want to know how much I’ve spent on eating out the last month and a half. I really want to focus more on my eating habits. I know I have a terrible relationship with food. My main problems with food is overeating, binge eating, and emotional eating.

Even yesterday…I meal prepped..I did great all day at work eating my meals at the respective times. When I got home, I ate my dinner. Then I went back for a little more. Immediately after I ate some chex mix. A little while passed and I was having my “Optional” snack. All of this happened within a span of two hours. I don’t even know if I was hungry. Just knowing the food is there…is enough to make me go eat it. Even if it’s healthier options, I still binge. I feel like that’s even more of a reason to. I don’t feel happy afterward…I question myself on why I ate all of that food. I feel disgusted. And then I do it again the next day. It’s a battle. But I’ve got to start practicing some type of willpower or I’ll never be able to accomplish my goal of losing weight. I think eventually I want to start seeing a nutritionist and maybe even a therapist to work through my issues with food. I think once I can conquer my relationship with food, everything else will fall into place.

It has been way too long….

Since my last post. I’ve been feeling so stuck in the last month or two. I was involved in a hit and run accident on Feb. 1st that damaged my car.  It wasn’t my fault, and luckily the damage wasn’t too bad. I’m just now about to get my car fixed next week. Dealing with insurance companies and going to the hospital for my back which has been jacked up since the accident has been so annoying. I’m stuck in limbo with a job that I interviewed for earlier this month, ended up getting said job, put in my two weeks notice at my other job, just for the job I got to call a week later and tell me they have to “push my start date back.” I was supposed to be starting the job today, Feb. 24th. So far they don’t have any idea what my new start date will be. Luckily my current job is allowing me to stay until that gets straightened out..if it get straightened out.

I’m just dealing with a lot of stress and the last few weeks have been so bad. I’m putting all of that stress basically into sabotaging myself. Going out to eat with friends, not meal prepping, eating junk food and I can feel it taking it’s toll on me. I can tell I’ve gained back the weight I worked so hard to lose. Trying to lose weight is so hard. If you’ve never been fat you don’t know how hard it is. To want to be fit and active and healthy and yet constantly battling the addiction to food is so incredibly frustrating. The saddest part is that I know it’s possible. I’ve seen person after person get up and just do it! So why can’t I? Why am I so FUCKING hard headed? Why do I lack the willpower and motivation to be one of those people? I honestly don’t know what it’s going to take. But I am sick of living like this (literally sick of it as my pants dig into the fat of my stomach. UGH!).

I just feel like in my own personal life, I am alone with this battle. No one truly understands what I’m going through. My friends seem supportive, but they’re not really. I feel like I don’t have anyone around me that just gets it. Like really and truly gets it. And so doing it by myself is hard. I’m so aware of my weight and I feel like recently have become increasingly self conscious about it. I’m too self conscious to go walking around my neighborhood, wondering in the back of my mind what people think when they see me “attempting to be healthy”. I carry these same doubts with me to the gym where I’m surrounded by active fit people who I fear see me as another fat person with a new years resolution that won’t last. All of these negative thoughts that I THINK people are having about me but in all honesty probably could care less about me, are really just me holding myself back. I have said it once and I’ll say it again..this weightloss journey is literally 90% mental for me. I am my biggest critic and I’m trying so hard to be my biggest fan but it’s so hard when nothing in my life currently seems to be working out the way I envisioned…Like I said, I’m stuck.

This post is super whiny and I promise I’m not nearly as depressed as it may come across lol, but if you have any suggestions or any advice on how to get out of a rut..or if you’ve been successful in your weight loss, I would love to hear how you overcame your struggles or any suggestions on what may help me overcome mine.

xoxo.

 

December Goals

• Get serious about this weightloss again.
• Get my ass to the gym.
• Workout at home on days I don’t go to the gym.
• Strictly clean eating all month. No treats & no red meat or pork. (Except for Christmas lol).
• Believe in myself and in the process.

Last month I didn’t even waste my time making goals. I knew I wasn’t going to meet any of them. I’ve realized that I have to make realistic goals that will work for me and my journey. I think a big reason why I felt so discouraged is because I spend so much time looking at other people’s progress that I felt my journey was inferior. I have to remember that everybody is different and everyone’s journey is unique to them. Also, they had to start somewhere and I’m sure it wasn’t easy for them when they started.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up and accepting the fact that this is my life and this is who I am. But I know that’s not really my destiny. This may be who I am right now, but it’s not who I am meant to be.

Anyway, I’ll be working hard to get back on track this month. It’s the last month of the 2013 and another year has gone by where I’ve wanted to lose the weight and yet didn’t really do anything about it. In August I got serious and started making it happen…by the end of October I was burnt out. I have to get out of that habit and accept that this is a lifestyle change. Once I can fully wrap my head around that, I’ll be able to really succeed at this. I don’t want to go into 2014 thinking, “This is the year I do it.” like I’ve done every year since I was probably 10 or 11. I want to go into 2014 feeling confident that I’m really going to make it happen.

Even though it has been a constant struggle, my mindset has changed so much since I started this process in August. This weightloss journey is 80% mental for me and 20% physical. The mind has a great way of telling you what you can and can not do. I’m ready for my body to prove my mind wrong. It’s hard to undo 20+ years of negative thinking and self hate. But I’m going to try my damndest.

Things I Absolutely Love

In an attempt to make myself feel better and to also not come across as such a negative nellie, here is a list of all the things I love:

• Anything sparkly, glittery, or pink. Yes. I’m THAT girl.
• Cheese.
• Shopping.
• Handbags. Love love looooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeee handbags.
• Music
• My family
• My friends
• My awesome amazing sweet boyfriend
• Reality tv
• Scandal
• Movies
• Cute shoes
• Makeup
• Getting dressed up
• Laughing
• Halloween
• Christmas
• New York City
• Reading
• my iPad
• my iPhone
• chapstick..i hate having dry lips!
• my apartment
• My bed
• black & white
• rainbows
• art
• museums
• swimming
• jack russell terriers
• writing
• cupcakes
• chocolate
• wine
• atlanta
• london
• italy
• nail polish
• silver & gold
• organization
• journals
• education
• growing, changing, and ever evolving.
• me.

See the good always outweighs the bad. It’s easy to get caught up on one or two negative things and forget about all of the good around you. And I’m working on getting me up higher on that list. But at least I’m on there. Baby steps right? Right. Time for Scandal…goodnight!

xoxo.

Things I Absolutely CAN NOT Deal With

I didn’t feel like typing a traditional post because I’m currently annoyed and just felt that I should bullet all of the things that I absolutely can’t deal with. Those things are as follows:

• People who are negative ALL THE TIME.
• Clutter, mess, junk, dirtiness!
• the fact that i am so incredibly lazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
• being overweight but not being able to find the motivation to take my lazy butt to the gym because (please see above bullet).
• messing up my nails after i just took the time to paint them! grrr.
• super hot weather.
• not being able to go shopping when i want to because i’m being so fiscally responsible…boo!
• shady mcshadyington’s (shady people)
• having a boyfriend that lives an hour away.
• working two jobs YET i see no end to this any time soon.
• feeling so blah 😦

I don’t know if you can tell but….I’m in a mood. This too shall pass.

xoxo.