Doubt.

Confession: Doubt. That’s all that seems to fill my mind lately. Doubting that I can do this. Doubting my abilities. Doubting myself.

When I started my weightloss journey on August 11, 2013 I was convinced I was ready. Convinced that this time, would be the last time I started on this journey because I was finally serious about losing the weight. I created a totally new Instagram page, dedicated only to my weightloss journey. Which was a huge step for me, putting myself out there like that. Although, there’s more to it then that, but I’ll save that for another time. Anyway, I created the account because I wanted to be focused. Only following others who had embarked on a similar journey for inspiration. I found these women and men to be so inspiring. Some people weighed less than me when they started out, others weighed much more than I ever had, and yet they all did it. Were doing it. Accomplishing a goal I had only dreamt about. I knew I could do it too.

I went hard for the first month. My eating habits had changed drastically. No red meat, no pork, more veggies, more fruit, no processed foods, & no junk. Straight clean eating. I stopped paying attention to the scale, mainly because my roommate’s scale was cheap so it spit out random numbers and I couldn’t trust it. Besides, I wasn’t focused on a goal number or weight. I was focused on a look, on a feeling of self appreciation, on my health.

Month 2 went just as well. I’m not sure how much weight I’d lost, but I could tell I had lost because all of my jeans were falling off me. I was proud of myself. I felt like I was doing it. Finally, after so many years of wanting to change, I was changing.

But by the end of month two something happened. I started slowing down. I started exercising less. I couldn’t find the motivation. I felt fat. I felt like everyone I saw on instagram was doing amazing and I just….wasn’t.

That was when I realized I had to stop comparing my journey to everyone else’s. What worked for other people, wasn’t necessarily going to work for me. Everyone’s journey was different. I had to find out what was going to work for me. I had to look at those people as motivation to keep going, but not as the blueprint for my own success.

I’m going to join a gym. I like working out in the gym. But that good friend of mine, doubt, is making me wonder…if you couldn’t find the motivation to walk out of your door and go walking, or exercise in your living room, how are you going to find it to drive to the gym and get out and work? I don’t know the answer that yet. But I think that’s the whole point of a weightloss journey. Trial and error. Find what works for you and give it your all. 

xoxo