Happy Thanksgiving! aka: Happy Eat Everything In Sight Day!!!

Ok, maybe not everything (the plates are not edible), just the good stuff. Like your mom’s homemade stuffing. Or baked macaroni and cheese. Don’t forget the ham Uncle Ted made. The glorious delicious honey baked ham with pineapples on top. Perhaps a little cranberry sauce if you like it (no one likes it Aunt Joyce!). And plenty of your grandma’s sweet potato pie. Cousin Sally said a couple deviled eggs never hurt anybody. Turkey anyone? How about a few biscuits or rolls to sop it all up with? And maybe some green bean casserole. Wash it down with a couple glasses of egg nog and you are all set!

*sigh*

This Thanksgiving I shall not be participating in this glorious feast of delectable foods. And I know what you’re thinking. “Wow, she has such willpower! Not to eat those thousandsssss of calories. Go Jas! Go Girl!” But um, sorry to disappoint you guys.

Because I’d totally be indulging in ALLADAT crap if it wasn’t for the wonderful Winter Storm Boreas causing the snow outside my office window right now. The weather is forcing me to stay home and not venture off to enjoy the Thanksgiving festivities with my boyfriend and his family. And I mean, technically we did have a pre-Thanksgiving office party last week at work, where I did treat myself to some turkey, mac & cheese, stuffing, ham & sweet potatoes. So I suppose I got my share. Perhaps more than my share but who’s keeping track, definitely not me.

Seriously though, this last month has been a downward spiral. Ever since my birthday I have completely just been like EFF THIS. Eff eating clean. Eff exercising. So what if those rolls won’t magically disappear over night. Who cares?! Not me. Not this girl.

Sike.

I care. I totallyyyyyyyy care. But even though I care about it so much I haven’t been able to stop myself from shoving snickers and kit kats and anything else that has chocolate and screams, “Hey I’m bad for you but I taste so damn good!” down my throat. Hmm, pause. Anyway…how do ya’ll do it?! How do you stay so motivated? I’m so sick of starting and stopping and starting over. It’s such a nasty vicious cycle. I’ve been doing it practically my whole life and I still haven’t mastered the JUST DO IT ALREADY mentality. So sad.

But in an attempt to not sound completely sad and pathetic right before the holidays, here is a list of all a few the things I’m thankful for this year:

• My mom, dad, brother, and godmother. I’d say my family but trutfully, these four people are my REAL family and I can count on them NO MATTER what. I love them.
• My awesome boyfriend. We just got back together in like August. We dated for two years when I was in college, had a nasty break up, and didn’t speak for like two years before we got back together. I now believe in the saying, if you love something let it go & if it comes back that’s how you know…(maybe that’s a song lyric but I believe! I believe!!) Sometimes people just have to grow up and go through things to realize what someone really means to you and I’m so glad we went through everything we did to get to this point. He’s not perfect and neither am I but we’re so perfect together. *cue violin*
• My beautiful friendsssss! Since moving back to the town where I went to college and being around all of my wonderful friends that I met there, I have been happier than I’ve been in a LONG time. These smart, beautiful, strong women are my sisters and I know I can tell them anything and depend on them for anything. Along with a few other amazing ladies I’ve met along the way, I couldn’t ask for better friends.
• Having not one, but TWO jobs. I complain about working two jobs sometime, because it can be a headache. But honestly I’m lucky to even have one considering the job market. And even though neither is the dream job (or dream paying job for that matter) they’re both beneficial to my life and I’m happy to be able to go to work everyday (even on the weekends and on black friday ugh!).
• This blog. I hope to utilize it more and get into a rhythm of posting more often. I want this blog to keep me accountable. Wordpress’ website wasn’t working on my computer at work for the last few weeks and considering my work schedule, office hours are probably going to be my best bet to get some postings in. I hope to be giving you all (my followers. I can’t believe I even have followers! Hi everyone!) more content (posts, photos, everything) and more about the roads I’m taking on this weightloss journey.
• I’m thankful for all the little things in life that I probably take for granted like having my own apartment, clothes to wear (even though I have a closet full I always feel like I don’t have enough. I know, cray), and healthier food to eat. 🙂
• I’m thankful that I was able to remove myself from a situation that caused nothing but stress and anxiety for a year and a half of my life. Even if it severed ties with someone who was close to me, it only showed that person’s true colors which makes me thankful for (see next bullet)
• Getting rid of all things toxic and negative in my life! No one has time for negativity! NO ONE!
• I’m thankful for waking up and realizing that now is the time to get serious about this lifestyle change of mine. Although I have stumbled along the way, I am serious about moving forward & not becoming discouraged and giving up this time. It’s ok to fall down, the point is to get back up and keep it moving; not to stay down.

Alright, well this was a loooongggg little post. I better get off here and get back to work! This money won’t make itself 🙂 Hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving with family, friends, and loved ones! Now eat, drink, and be merry!

xoxo.

Things I Absolutely Love

In an attempt to make myself feel better and to also not come across as such a negative nellie, here is a list of all the things I love:

• Anything sparkly, glittery, or pink. Yes. I’m THAT girl.
• Cheese.
• Shopping.
• Handbags. Love love looooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeee handbags.
• Music
• My family
• My friends
• My awesome amazing sweet boyfriend
• Reality tv
• Scandal
• Movies
• Cute shoes
• Makeup
• Getting dressed up
• Laughing
• Halloween
• Christmas
• New York City
• Reading
• my iPad
• my iPhone
• chapstick..i hate having dry lips!
• my apartment
• My bed
• black & white
• rainbows
• art
• museums
• swimming
• jack russell terriers
• writing
• cupcakes
• chocolate
• wine
• atlanta
• london
• italy
• nail polish
• silver & gold
• organization
• journals
• education
• growing, changing, and ever evolving.
• me.

See the good always outweighs the bad. It’s easy to get caught up on one or two negative things and forget about all of the good around you. And I’m working on getting me up higher on that list. But at least I’m on there. Baby steps right? Right. Time for Scandal…goodnight!

xoxo.

Things I Absolutely CAN NOT Deal With

I didn’t feel like typing a traditional post because I’m currently annoyed and just felt that I should bullet all of the things that I absolutely can’t deal with. Those things are as follows:

• People who are negative ALL THE TIME.
• Clutter, mess, junk, dirtiness!
• the fact that i am so incredibly lazyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
• being overweight but not being able to find the motivation to take my lazy butt to the gym because (please see above bullet).
• messing up my nails after i just took the time to paint them! grrr.
• super hot weather.
• not being able to go shopping when i want to because i’m being so fiscally responsible…boo!
• shady mcshadyington’s (shady people)
• having a boyfriend that lives an hour away.
• working two jobs YET i see no end to this any time soon.
• feeling so blah 😦

I don’t know if you can tell but….I’m in a mood. This too shall pass.

xoxo.

Sabotage?

Not everyone wants to see you succeed. It’s sad, but some people actually like to see others struggling. It makes them feel better about whatever part of their life they happen to be struggling with. At least that’s what I believe. And I also believe some of my friends don’t want me to lose weight. I honestly think they like that I’m the “fat friend”. I constantly feel that my hard work and progress is sabotaged by friends giving me candy, making me brownies, inviting me out for dinners I shouldn’t be eating. It’s like even though they say they’re proud of my accomplishments they’re subconsciously telling me to stay fat and handing it to me on a silver platter full of chocolates and bad food. It’s frustrating to feel that way. Especially about your friends, people you trust. I could be wrong. But this is just how I feel.

Feeling Defeated Much?

So yeah the past couple of weeks have been…well. I’ve just completely fallen off my workout wagon/clean eating wagon. That picture explains it all. Between my birthday, monthly lady issues, the past two weeks have been non stop snacking. Which has always been my biggest issue. The meals I’ve ate have actually been pretty well balanced, clean for the most part (except for the delicious burger I had for my birthday that was beef and had BACON and it was soooooo good. I mean it was my birthday hello!)

But the snacking….chocolate, cake, cookies, ice cream, everything I’ve given up and literally haven’t really consumed much in forever have all come crashing into my mouth as of late. And I’m regretting it. Not only do I feel icky but I’m literally seeing the consequences written all over my face in the form of an acne breakout. I’ve never had a problem with acne, an occasional pimple here or there. But recently they’ve been popping up like crazy. I’ve gone through a whole tube of zit zapper (E.L.F. cosmetics which is amazing because it really works, but a whole tube?!) in about two weeks. Which is insane. I’ve got to get a grip.

I honestly don’t know what my deal is. I just haven’t been feeling it lately. I honestly don’t know how some people stay so motivated. I know I need to do this and I know I want to do this. But…I’m not sure why it’s not enough for me to actually GET UP and do it…ugh. This feeling of defeat has to be temporary. I don’t want to be defeated and I don’t want to be a quitter anymore. I want to win.