Day 1

So far, day 1 of my 30 days of accountability challenge has been going well. I woke up, gave thanks, and said something nice about myself. Today I focused on the fact that I’m funny and have a great sense of humor. This is one of the things I like the most about myself. So far, my eating is right on track with what I meal prepped. For breakfast I had low fat vanilla yogurt with pineapples & granola. I had a snack which was a Special K Moments bar, the salted caramel one. It’s only 70 calories so it’s a tasty little treat and not too bad for you. For lunch I’m having brown rice & salsa and a chicken fajita with green, yellow, & red peppers, and a little shredded cheese, on a whole wheat tortilla. During my hour long lunch break, I plan to eat first, then spend 30 minutes walking around downtown for my exercise today. Not the most invigorating form of exercise, but the point was to get moving for at least 30 minutes a day. Now I will say this will be my one and only set back today because my alarm was set for 4:45am so that I could be at the gym at 5:30 this morning but…I just couldn’t get myself out of the bed! I bought a new foam mattress topper thing and it is EVERYTHING! Seriously, I sleep like a baby. My mattress is good and firm, but I need a little softness and support because my back was killing me and since I’ve been sleeping on it, I’ve noticed my back has been hurting a lot less the last few days. Ok, that was off topic but anyway! I also have to work at my part time job tonight so..a brisk walk downtown during my lunch break will have to be the extent of it today. Luckily at my part time, there’s lots of walking and lifting of heavy boxes so..I think that should count toward my exercise as well. I’m honestly not too disappointed because at least I’ll be moving, which is better than the alternative. I will make more of an effort to get up early in the morning to workout. 

I plan on taking my dinner with me to work tonight so I can eat it while I’m there because I won’t be getting off until 9:30pm which means I won’t get home until around 10. I’ll be having a grilled chicken salad with baby spinach and a mix of lettuces, salad toppers, peppers, feta cheese, and an avocado ranch dressing (2 tbs is 130 cals and it’s really yummy). Once I get home I plan on getting straight to bed! I don’t want to get ahead of myself, but it seems like day 1 is shaping up to be a sucess!

xoxo.

It has been way too long….

Since my last post. I’ve been feeling so stuck in the last month or two. I was involved in a hit and run accident on Feb. 1st that damaged my car.  It wasn’t my fault, and luckily the damage wasn’t too bad. I’m just now about to get my car fixed next week. Dealing with insurance companies and going to the hospital for my back which has been jacked up since the accident has been so annoying. I’m stuck in limbo with a job that I interviewed for earlier this month, ended up getting said job, put in my two weeks notice at my other job, just for the job I got to call a week later and tell me they have to “push my start date back.” I was supposed to be starting the job today, Feb. 24th. So far they don’t have any idea what my new start date will be. Luckily my current job is allowing me to stay until that gets straightened out..if it get straightened out.

I’m just dealing with a lot of stress and the last few weeks have been so bad. I’m putting all of that stress basically into sabotaging myself. Going out to eat with friends, not meal prepping, eating junk food and I can feel it taking it’s toll on me. I can tell I’ve gained back the weight I worked so hard to lose. Trying to lose weight is so hard. If you’ve never been fat you don’t know how hard it is. To want to be fit and active and healthy and yet constantly battling the addiction to food is so incredibly frustrating. The saddest part is that I know it’s possible. I’ve seen person after person get up and just do it! So why can’t I? Why am I so FUCKING hard headed? Why do I lack the willpower and motivation to be one of those people? I honestly don’t know what it’s going to take. But I am sick of living like this (literally sick of it as my pants dig into the fat of my stomach. UGH!).

I just feel like in my own personal life, I am alone with this battle. No one truly understands what I’m going through. My friends seem supportive, but they’re not really. I feel like I don’t have anyone around me that just gets it. Like really and truly gets it. And so doing it by myself is hard. I’m so aware of my weight and I feel like recently have become increasingly self conscious about it. I’m too self conscious to go walking around my neighborhood, wondering in the back of my mind what people think when they see me “attempting to be healthy”. I carry these same doubts with me to the gym where I’m surrounded by active fit people who I fear see me as another fat person with a new years resolution that won’t last. All of these negative thoughts that I THINK people are having about me but in all honesty probably could care less about me, are really just me holding myself back. I have said it once and I’ll say it again..this weightloss journey is literally 90% mental for me. I am my biggest critic and I’m trying so hard to be my biggest fan but it’s so hard when nothing in my life currently seems to be working out the way I envisioned…Like I said, I’m stuck.

This post is super whiny and I promise I’m not nearly as depressed as it may come across lol, but if you have any suggestions or any advice on how to get out of a rut..or if you’ve been successful in your weight loss, I would love to hear how you overcame your struggles or any suggestions on what may help me overcome mine.

xoxo.