“Do you want me to get you a donut?”

One of my supervior’s at work asked me today. “No, thank you. I’m fine.” I replied. “Are you sure? You don’t want one?” he asked me again. “I’m sure, thanks.” “You sure, you’re sure?” he asked AGAIN. “I’M SURE THANK YOU!” I replied loudly. “Ooook.” he said in his stupid sing song voice that annoys the shit out of me.

Like seriously. What. the. fuck.

Just because I’m a bigger woman doesn’t mean I have to gorge myself with donuts every time they’re offered to me. I already don’t care for this supervisor, but at times I feel like he’s personally taking little digs at me and I’ve about had enough of it. If you ask me if I want something and I tell you no, say ok and keep it moving. 

This journey has been difficult enough. I have stopped and started and given up and felt let down and felt defeated and felt fat and depressed and disgusting so many times throughout it. And then there are times when I’ve felt strong, and good, and capable of doing this. When a situation like this occurs, where someone makes the assumption that because I am overweight that I want something bad that they’re having it’s like a slap in the face. I would love to say that he said this and I let it roll off of me but it bothered me. It made me angry, and it hurt just a little bit.

Something has to change.

“You look like you eat healthy…”

Says the cashier at the grocery store as she rings up my groceries. I politely respond, “I try.” Because I do try. I may not go to the gym or workout nearly as much as I wish I did, but I do try my best to eat as healthy as possible. Just the other day I had a conversation with a friend telling her I for the life of me, can’t remember the last time I ate Doritos. Doritos used to be my favorite snack in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD. Seriously. But I honestly can’t remember the last time I bought or ate them. And I’m ok with that. It’s funny because when I go grocery shopping, junk food like that doesn’t even cross my mind anymore. I’m much more apt to buy pita chips & hummus or low fat yogurt & granola for a snack then I am for the crap that I used to eat.

That’s why I know this journey hasn’t been all bad. I’ve succeeded in the healthy eating department and making better choices. It’s just hard to stick to it when I have thin(ner) friends who eat whatever they want and encourage me to have what they’re having. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again..they support me…but it seems as if they don’t care/don’t want me to succeed. Sad, but I’m dealing with it…and I guess the only way to truly handle it is to not give in to the temptations they bring around me.

But I’m excited for the new year. I was approached to be apart of a really cool project that I’m super excited about that’s taking place in January. I’ll share more as the date approaches, but just know it’s super cool and I’m really excited to be apart of it because I think it’s something that will (hopefully) open a lot of eyes.

xoxo.

Stress Is For The Birds.

Seriously, 2013 has been such an interesting year. To say 2012 was a shit hole of a year would be an understatement. So in comparison this year has been all rainbows and butterflies. From leaving the worlds worst job EVERRRR, to moving back to a city where my friends are, to getting my own apartment, to reuniting with my boyfriend and love of my life, 2013 has been nice. But there’s also been some negatives.

 

For one, I’m still having issues in the employment department…but I’ve already done a post on that. But along with that comes financial worries and everything just stresses me out. My boyfriend tells me I worry too much. Which I do, I’ve always been a worry wart. I can’t help it. I suffer from being an optimisit and seeing the beauty in every situation while also being realist (some my say pessimist, but I say realist) and gauging the reality of a situation or the very possible very real outcomes of certain things.

 

I’ve never been the type of person to just go with the flow. I wish I was, it would seriously make my life easier. But I tend to analyze and overanalyze every little thing to the point where it’s exhausting. Which is probably why I’m not working out or eating right. The two things in my life that I have the ability to control at all times and yet…I struggle to do so.

 

The shit ain’t cool people. It ain’t cool. And I literally have a headache from thinking about it.